You are the second one called; you are the second one texted. It’s not comparable to being the last, or the first, because it is its own feeling. It means you never will feel like you are good enough, and you’re probably right. When you are second choice in all of your relationships it means you constantly feel like you are in a competition.
It means you have to make the plans and no one will make plans with you. It doesn’t mean people don’t want to spend time with you, it just means they won’t think of you until after they’ve run through their first choices. Rest easy in knowing you are not an outcast, but suffer silently knowing you will always have to try harder than all the number ones.
It means when your sister gets married the same year you graduate college, that relatives who only visit once a year will only visit for her wedding.
It doesn’t matter that each of these events only happen once. And it doesn’t matter that they made the trip out to her college graduation. You are the second choice, and you are overlooked. A wedding is arguably more important than a graduation, but it doesn’t hurt any less, knowing you aren’t the priority.
Being second choice means when you try to make plans with someone they will already be busy. But they will still invite you along. You are the afterthought, and they would have no problem having you there, but they wouldn’t have thought of it themselves. It also means you won’t feel comfortable saying yes to their secondhand invitation. You have to plan-in times to hang out with friends far in advance because you can’t take the risk of attempting to fit into their busy lives’.
It means that sometimes when you’re completely qualified for something, that you shouldn’t be surprised when someone takes it out from under you. That even if someone is essentially your equal in any position, you won’t win. Sometimes you will see yourself as best, and others will also see you as the best for your goal, but the place you want to reach will see you as subpar. This is essential to remember in jobs, relationships, decisions, etc., you could be perfect for something, and you still won’t be good enough, because you are the second choice.
But being second choice also means that you don’t have to worry about the limelight always being on you. It means that your little slip ups and your downfalls aren’t flat-out publicized. Even if you are second to everyone else, you are first in being you, because no one can be you the way you can. Being second choice means you’re going have to have to look a little harder for the bright side, but also it also means remembering that the bright side is always there.
This article was written by Gerrian Buisman and originally posted on Thought Catalog.